How to Have Difficult Conversations: Beginner's Guide
- Description
- Curriculum
- FAQ
- Reviews
![5444](https://firesyd.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/526000_2c48_4.jpg)
Learn the basic concepts, skills and mindsets for holding talks about difficult or tough topics. Many managers fear holding these talks, yet they are essential to your success as a leader. This course will take you step-by-step through a talk with practical examples and proven advice.
Learn to Master the Preparation, Planning and Performing of a Difficult Conversation With This Step-by-Step Course
- Learn to prepare yourself to avoid unnecessary emotional tension
- Create a plan for the talk will make it easier to hold the talk and that sets you up for success
- Become skilled at analyzing the situation so you can find the real problem and address it effectively
- Learn to craft a crystal clear purpose for the talk and how stay on track even when the other person or you own emotions try to derail you
- Get proven methods and actual phrases to start and end a talk in a good way
Build Your Confidence and Skill Set
A study by CPP Inc found that employees in the US spend approximately 2.8 hours per week dealing with workplace conflict. Psychometrics Canada found in their study that 32% of employees have to deal with conflict regularly.
Handling difficult requires skill and empathy, but in the end it also about having the courage to go ahead and do it. In the course we will address all of those aspects so you can make a habit to face these issues head on in a good, effective way.
Content and Overview
Special attention has been made remove all the “fluff” from this course so it just filled with practical advice and examples. The course also helps you get started right away with carefully crafted assignments.
You will learn to prepare yourself before the talk to avoid unnecessary emotional tension that could otherwise create undesired outcomes. During the course you will also create a plan for an actual talk that will make it easier to hold the talk and that sets you up for success.
You will also strengthen your skills when it comes to analyzing the situation so you can find the real problem, addressing it clearly and effectively. You will also learn how to craft a crystal clear purpose for the talk and how stay on track even when the other person or you own emotions try to derail you from reaching that purpose.
Throughout the course you will benefit from proven methods and actual phrases that you can to start and end a talk in a way that increases the chances of everyone involved walking away feel good about the talk.
All major sections of the course has a methodically structured quiz at the end to make sure you have grasped the important pointers from that sections. You will also walk away with downloadable material that you can use for future reference.
-
1Welcome to the Course
This lecture covers who this course is for and that its content is based on extensive interaction with managers and leaders around the world for over 25 years. Based on that interaction the most important skills to master for having conversations on difficult topics are included in the course.
You will also get to know your instructor for this course, Markus Amanto, better and why he is passionate about helping people like yourself be and do the best they can when it comes to these conversations.
-
2Course overview
This overview will help you get the most out of the course. It will explain how the course is structured and give you a brief overview of the different topics.
-
3Three Quick Tips to Get You Started
So you can get started learning right away you get three useful tips including how to use the third party view to set yourself up for a talk with the possible outcome. You will also learn a handy phrase to start with and an approach that will allow many listening and communication skills to fall into place naturally.
-
4Why it is Called Conversations About Difficult Topics
Courses similar to this one have been called "Difficult Conversatons" or "Challenging Talks". It is a very counterproductive name though.
The conversation or talk in itself does not need to be difficult or challenging even though the topic in itself is that. Therefore this course is about "conversations about difficult topics".
-
5What is a Conversations About a Difficult Topic?
A conversations about a difficult topic can be a conversation that you feel nervous about, that might keep you awake at night or that you are not even sure whether to have.
The content of these conversations is individual, meaning the topics can be different people.
-
6Examples of Difficult Topics
Even though what is a difficult or challenging topic can be different for different people, in this lecture you get a list of examples of common difficult topics to help you further define this subject.
-
7Exercise: Make a List of Difficult Topics
It is usually not what we do not know that gets in our way. More often it is that we do not use what we know. This assignment will help you put what you learned in this section into practice.
-
8Definition
-
9Six Hours to Chop Down a Tree
Preparation is key for success.
In this lecture you get to hear a quote from Abraham Lincoln, former president of the United States, and how he emphasized preparation for the successful execution of a task.
-
10Think of One in Your Life
This course provides practical advice that you can use right away.
For you to get full benefit from the course you are advised to use an example from your own life that we will work with during the course. You can use an example of a conversation that you are planning to have soon, or think you should have soon, or you can use one that you had in the past but that you want to see if you perhaps could have done a bit differently or better.
If you can come up with neither a present one or a past one, you can also make one up, again so you have a situation to work with during the course.
-
11What is Your Intention? What is Your Desired Outcome?
Having a clear intention for what your desired outcome of the conversation is will greatly increase you rate of success.
The intention will help you stay on track and to get back on track if and when you derailed by different things that can occur during the conversation.
-
12Set the Frame for a Successful Conversation
Setting the frame is an important part of your preparations.
This includes deciding on how much time you want to have for the conversation, where to have the conversation and how to set that space up for the best possible result.
-
13Exercise: Write Example, Intention and Set a Frame
It is usually not what we do not know that gets in our way. More often it is that we do not use what we know. This assignment will help you put what you learned in this section into practice.
-
14Preparation
-
15Introduction to the Seven Questions
Using the example you picked in the previous section we will work through seven questions that will greatly help you in coming as prepared as possible to the conversation.
In the following lectures we will examine one question at a time. Download on of the attached resource that will allow you to follow along better with the next seven lectures. One is a PDF-file that you can print and fill in by hand, the other PDF is interactive so you can fill in directly on your computer or other device.
-
16Question 1: What is the Problem?
Cleary defining the problem is an essential part of preparations.
Often it is not what we initially think is the problem that is actually the problem and giving this some consideration before the conversation helps you plan and execute your talk in a good way.
-
17Question 2: What Would the Other Person Say?
By stepping into the other person's "shoes" you can attempt to imagine how they would see the problem.
Sometimes they are not even aware that there is a problem.
-
18Question 3: How Have You Contributed?
Looking at contributions to the problem helps you use a non-judgmental approach to clarifying how you have contributed to the problem and how the other person has done the same.
Becoming clear on this helps you move to a better resolution of the situation.
-
19Question 4: What Buttons of Yours Are Being Pushed?
Many times when we are going to have a conversation about a difficult topic we tend to feel and think more than the situation itself warrants.
Here we will examine how some other factors, psychological and external, can influence you before and during the conversation.
-
20Question 5: What Assumptions are You Making?
When we assume sometimes we are correct in our assumptions and sometimes, or often, we are completely wrong.
Taking a look at your assumptions regarding the other person's intentions will help prepare you so you can enter the conversation with an open mind and increase the chance for a good outcome.
-
21Question 6: What is Your Intention?
Revisiting the concept presented visited in the previous section about you intention with having the conversation.
Clearly writing down this intention, your preferred outcome, is an essential part of your preparations.
-
22Question 7: What is Your Preferred Working Relationship?
An honest look at what kind of working relationship you would like to have with the other person after the conversation will also benefit your preparations and how you act during the conversaton itself.
-
23Exercise: Answer the Seven Questions
It is usually not what we do not know that gets in our way. More often it is that we do not use what we know. This assignment will help you put what you learned in this section into practice.
-
24Seven Questions
-
25The Success Formula
Unsuccessful people tend to be stuck in thinking that they need to have something before they can do something that will allow the to be happy, rich or successful.
Successful people tend to view it the other way around, when they become a successful person, when they see themselves as that, they will naturally do what successful people do and will then have the things they want.
-
26The Importance of Having a No Winner or Loser Mentality
The real "enemy" during a talk about challenging topics is not other person, but a winner-loser mentality where you see it as one person, usually yourself, winning and the other losing.
We could also call this mentality "right or wrong", where it becomes overly important to be right about something.
-
27What it is About and What it is Not About
It is easy to get stuck in a conversation by having misconceptions about what the conversation should really be about.
A conversation about challenging topics should for example not be about what the contract says, but rather what the contract means. The conflict does not lie in the truth, but in conflicting values, perceptions and feelings.
-
28Reframe the Way You Look at Things
A change of mindset is often necessary when having conversations about challenging topics.
We can call this reframing, moving from preconceived ideas such as that the talk is about blaming when it is much more productive to reframe it to contributions instead.
-
29Respect is Key to Success with Conversations
It is vital to respect not only the other person, but also yourself, during a conversation about a difficult topic.
-
30The OK-Matrix
The OK-Matrix describes how you can enter an encounter with another person with four different mindsets depending on if you think you are OK or not OK, and if you think the other person is OK or not OK. You can also get caught in the common "Crazy Loop" between anger and shame.
Attached to this lecture is a PDF that you can download with an illustration of the OK-Matrix.
Attached to this lecture is also a PDF that you can download with an article titled "More About the OK-Matrix", that offers additional insights into the OK-Matrix including practical examples.
-
31Separate Person and Behavior
"I love you, I hate that you drink".
Being able to separate the person from the behavior decreases the risk of the the other person becoming angry, defensive or shutting down completely.
-
32Sidetracker No 1: Your Own Emotions
With the best of intentions for your conversation you can still get sidetracked during the talk by your own emotions. We all have "hooks" that we get caught on and that can trigger overly emotional responses in us.
If you do not learn to manage your emotions during the conversation you can miss your desired outcome completely.
A key distinction is to distinguish that you have emotions, instead of them having you.
-
33Sidetracker No 2: Thwarting Ploys
You can also get sidetracked by the other person consciously or unconsciously using different thwarting ploys, such as lying, shouting, crying and stonewalling.
Learn to address the behavior in an effective way so it does not hinder you from reaching your purpose for the conversation.
-
34Love (Yourself)
It is in the moments that we stop loving ourselves fully that we tend to do things that we regret later.
We lose our temper or allow the other person to take emotional advantage of us.
-
35Exercise: Apply the OK-Matrix
It is usually not what we do not know that gets in our way. More often it is that we do not use what we know. This assignment will help you put what you learned in this section into practice.
-
36Mindset
-
37Being Centered
Being centered is the final piece to staying on track towards your intention.
When you are centered in your personality you are more present in the moment and more immune to the distractions that may pull you off track.
-
38Further Key Points
Additional points to keep in mind before, during and after the conversation, such as seeking permission, taking responsibility for your part and not over-amplifying feedback.
-
39How to Start
When you have done your preparation and worked on your mindset you might ask yourself "How do I start the conversation itself?".
This is very common to experience and here you get a couple of tips for how to start your conversation.
-
40Examples of Openers
A sample of actual phrases to use when you want to invite the other person or initiate the conversation. The inviting to, or starting of, a conversation can be perceived as tricky and these phrases will help you with that.
Attached to this lecture is a PDF resource that you can download to have a handy list of the different phrases.
-
41How to End
How you end is equally important as how you start, perhaps even more important.
Things such as reaching agreement, deciding where to meet again and following will be important parts of your success with this part.
-
42If No Change is Happening
Sometimes the other person is not willing or capable of changing their behavior.
Here you get some proven tips for handling those situations.
-
43When You Have the Power to Impose an Outcome
Sometimes you have the power to impose an income, for example firing someone.
Many managers and leaders describe these conversations as extra challenging. There are some important things, such as sitting with anger, that will you manage these conversations successfully.
-
44Check Legal and Cultural Framework
What works in one country may not work in another country due to the legal system. What works in the culture of one organisation may not be appropriate in another.
Checking and clarifying that framework ahead of time will make your life easier.
-
45Exercise: Select Opener and Start
It is usually not what we do not know that gets in our way. More often it is that we do not use what we know. This assignment will help you put what you learned in this section into practice.
-
46Lets do it!